1. |
In The Sky Today
00:53
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it snowed in the sky today
glancing up through your window from your mattress on the floor pure white was all i saw and i felt good, yeah i felt great
and I felt safe inside your room, even knowing we’d leave soon
get in your car - we didn’t have that far to go
there was no snow
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2. |
Thaw
02:31
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i’ve been drinking coffee and tea out of the same mug without rinsing it and i’ve been thinking that i should get up cause its the morning but i haven’t yet because i’m watching the neighbors snowblower out my window get stuck the snow turned to ice weeks ago and i turned to ice weeks ago and now i’ve got to drive to the city for the show but there won’t be anywhere to park just mounds of snow pushed toward the curb and covered in all of the dirt of new york but the suns peaking out and the all its wavelengths get absorbed by my black jeans and my skin gets too hot, so the ice must be starting to melt and i’ve been setting my alarm earlier every morning so maybe i’m getting there
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3. |
Black Kettle
03:11
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in a dream we were heading passed a town
it was late, and we wanted to make it to a campsite
and it was cold - and i wanted to crawl into my sleeping bag
and i was so looking forward to falling asleep
and then i woke up
its hard to know where to begin or what to begin with when you barely have time or energy to do more than just sit lean back and close your eyes
and i don’t wanna get caught sleeping in because the air feels thicker and time moves slower but the clock turns faster and every movement takes a little more than you’re willing to give
i can’t make myself stop thinking about the future long enough to know if i’m happy where i am and i can’t bring myself to talk to those around me when i’m always making plans to move somewhere better, somewhere cheaper, somewhere where I can have time, somewhere people don’t all wear cutoffs and have the same t-shirts that I do
somewhere that still has all my friends
somewhere that i know intimately well even though I’ve never been
so i’m not jaded, i’m not bored, and i also don’t feel like i’m on the outside hoping i can find a door because right now i know it well enough and though i wouldn’t say i’m jaded its just maybe i don’t want to be here anymore
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4. |
Your Toothbrush
03:16
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i’ve been thinking a lot about your toothbrush - how soft it felt on my gums, the ratio of sea-green grip to white plastic, wondering if i remember the color well enough to mix it -
each night as i use my own
its still not broken in and my gums bleed cause i don’t floss enough and my heart beats far less
and that makes me think about your toothpaste, too
i’m sure its far better for me than my own
with much fewer ingredients i can’t pronounce the name of
but i guess something sometime will surely kill me anyway
maybe i should switch - yeah i probably should switch,
but the taste won’t be as good without the cigarette residue
which i only got from you
i’ve been catching myself dreaming
but it always wakes me up
and i’ve been dreaming that we’re catching up and full of things to say
and i’ve been waking up alone over a thousand miles away
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5. |
Ground Cover
05:19
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caffeine headaches and dirty snow banks
everybody’s sliding off the road
but its starting to clear up, the snow turns to rain but the road stays the same endless stretch
of salt stained gray
i could’ve just stayed in bed
but i’m teaching myself not to get so scared so easily
we ruined it by walking through it
it was only perfect until we got there
its not a very practical ground cover
and if i get so stressed about gas prices
why can’t i just download gasbuddy for my phone
do i know i would never stop to check it - maybe try while driving
but hopefully there’ll be someone in the car
who could check it for me
and i know that it just comes down to geography
but i feel like the grass is always greener there
and i know that it just comes down to geography
but i feel like the trees all grow taller there
and i know that its largely cause of geography
that I can’t be close to everybody
all at once
but in snow world
its hard to want to go outside
because we’ll ruin it
by walking through it
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6. |
To Settle
01:09
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its going to be weird going back to canada without you
even though i only knew you there for like a week -
that's how i remember it: us walking down up and down the streets
i think that we were happy, but not satisfied
this time i’d settle for content
this time i’d settle for just two more months to make it through
for “i’m not going to stay here” or “i don’t know why i came here”
but maybe i wouldn’t settle if you were going back there too
and today i finally wrote to you
cause it took some time to think it through
not because i didn’t want to write -
its just that filling you in on the details of my life seems trivial
and i haven’t had any revelations
let alone any insightful conversations
so there's not much to report
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7. |
Conservation of Energy
03:41
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every time i find a sock i lose another one so every time i do my laundry i’m met with mild excitement followed by feeling regular
sometimes it feels like i’m on pavement chasing shopping carts
pushed into the farthest corners and abandoned next to parking spots
they wait helplessly for me to come and round them up
but every time i push some home there's always new ones waiting
and i’m not sure if this is brought on by not being able to keep track of socks but it makes me anxious thinking about tasks that can’t be completed but aren’t quite important enough to be called Sisyphean
and anxious about self-employed uncertainty so i’m terrified of jobs and generally unhappy with money
so when i die i hope my name makes it on to a park bench in a golf course somewhere in westchester because maybe that’ll mean whatever task i did i at least did it okay
like a tetris build up sometimes you can stay ahead
but only so much will fall into place
I would rather wait till the blocks stop falling to sort it out
I would rather wait till the blocks stop falling
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8. |
My Shoes
02:56
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my shoes never stay tied anymore
its like they don’t want me to walk any farther than I already have
i’ve walked in them for over two years
and they are tired.
and i don’t blame them.
because my feet start to sweat immediately so it can’t be nice in there
and i always lace them tight
i never slip them on and off
pull from the bottom to the top
and finish with a double knot
but it still never lasts -
so i can’t make it very far
i can’t even walk to my car with out kneeling over, lacing them up again.
and I can’t even ride my bike a goddamn mile without my shoelaces catching in the chain
so i have to lace them up again after i back pedal them out
and i know what that feels like
and it doesn’t feel good.
they don’t bleed,
but i can see where they’ve torn and how they’re wearing thin
so i don’t blame them.
their soles are still hardy but their laces hardly hold me
so maybe its time to just sit down.
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9. |
A Relative Place
05:58
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the wind was so strong i could barely make it down the hill
though i was only coasting
in a hollow town where the only light is from the funeral home
and its motion activated
but i’ve got dried fruit from the family dollar
so my satisfaction is guaranteed
and i guess i’m satisfied -
light headed, hollow chested, not well rested,
and hiding half a world from everyone I know
building a cocoon
but i’m not gonna come back a butterfly
and i’m not gonna come back a moth
i probably won’t come back any different (maybe a little older)
if i even come back at all.
maybe i won’t come back at all,
cause i drove pretty damn far to not be here
but i guess every time you go it gets a little more clear
just what you are leaving behind
and i rode pretty damn far to get to your door
and i’m glad i came but i’m still not sure
if this is where i belong
i hope each time we get coffee, its incidental.
what i mean is i hope we never have to make plans to get coffee, i hope we just get it sometimes when we’re together so its never monumental
meaning i hope we spend a lot of time together despite being in different places so we don’t ever have to make a plan to sit down to catch up cause that would probably be over coffee.
light headed hollow chested not well rested
and hiding half a world from everyone I know
building a cocoon
but its not gonna make me any stronger
and its not gonna shield me from the rain
and it won’t protect me from obligation though it won’t keep me busy
but it will hold me all the same
where i am the clocks no longer keep track of time
and the mazes of fences don’t measure property lines
they’re just arbitrary markings of a relative place
so you don’t know where your going just which direction you face
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10. |
I Wanted To
00:56
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I wanted to write you a letter
but i got caught up with other things
I wanted to make you feel better
without saying “everything will be okay”
and so I made a drawing just for you
and saved some scraps to send with it too
but they just sat on my desk,
and it started to feel stupid
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11. |
I Wanted You To
01:39
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its hard to speak when I start to dwell on the absence of our words
analyze it, wonder why it feels like there’s nothing to say
when want so bad to say so many things
I’ve grown used to not caring all that much
but now I do and I feel this pressure
and I get so in my head for every action, every word i haven’t said
I just want you to be with me
I just want you to forgive me
for not letting you be
you’ve always stayed a part of me
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